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10:13pm 31/05/2007
  I've just been reading my old lj entries from years ago, they seemed like crazy times.  I can't  really remember how I felt then.  I reckon I felt very much alive though.  I wish I could go again and do it all differently.

But now everything's more settled...well don't you think a silver lining is better than a blue sky?  Ha, I'll never be satisfied I guess, and I can always paint more silver.

My day.  I went to work, bought a pink rugby shirt, and went home.

There's a cutie in the office :)  I think I'm going to go over and ask her to smile.  I think she will, and that'll make my day.

People post sometimes, but don't say how they are.  Not in english anyway.  How are you?
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06:35pm 27/05/2007
  Back in rainy Cornwall for the BH weekend.  Trips back home for me are like an escape from real life, and a time for reflection & dreaming.

I think my perfect life would be to spend my days running, playing pool, and studying chess.  Just right now, I can picture myself with a pretty, smart Indian girl (who also plays chess), living in a small house with a fair piece of grass outside.  It's a nice dream, but work and money get in the way, at least for the time being.  And the picture of the girl will change!

Work - I'm on a placement with British Gas, being a glorified data entry monkey for over £2k a month.  It's insane, I shouldn't be paid half that for the work we're doing, but I'm effectively a contractor at the moment.  Hours are 8-6 tuesday to friday, so a 3 day weekend with 10 hour days.  Never done that before, so I guess I'll find out what it's like soon enough.

And fuck me, I'm 24.  I feel like I'm getting old.  I probably thought that last year too.  But after 20 or something, you don't have the whole world ahead of you anymore, I don't think.  That's what the dreaming is for. 

I'm still planning to quit smoking - the 3 months I didn't smoke for showed me the effect it really has.  I'll get there, I know.  In Wales, you can't really smoke anywhere anymore anyway.  That sentence looks weird.  

All the best, people.
02:14am 06/04/2007
  It's been a while since I had internet access, and a long while since I spoke to you guys..

If you wondered what I've been up to, then these are the things I'll remember five years from now.

I found a place in my heart for british ice hockey (cardiff devils), final fantasy (everyone in my house now has a crush on yuna) and "celine dion metal" (leaves' eyes etc).  I fucked a stranger for the first time in 6 years, I think.  I quit smoking for 3 months then started again.  And I still seem to find a different identity everywhere I go, and I guess I have a few more stories to tell (later..)

But I'm not in any kind of introspective mood now, so I'll leave it at that.

How's you?
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10:22am 26/11/2005

Things are strange at the moment, kinda kooky strange.
They think i'm good enough at work for me to check and mark other people's work, so i'm like a teacher without the authority, i guess.
So i have at least one "heated discussion" every day. I dealt with a customer whose last name was "Poon". I hurl abuse at my computer with the boss sitting next to me. The 38 year old guy sitting on the other side of me keeps winking at me every time a girl bends over within sight. And the 40 year old father opposite us called him "Neil Boner" after he marked his work badly. Weird place, but it's all good.

Hope all is well with everyone.
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12:31pm 10/10/2005
  hey yo!

since i last wrote...i got a job which pays £21k, and which i mostly enjoy. they don't let me use the internet at work so i don't get much of a chance to write here anymore. i felt like una mierda this morning so i called in sick, hence this entry.

but yeah. life is really great. may all your cases be free of errors...
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11:18am 28/07/2005
  Fuck it, i give up. It's your grave.  
shooting from the hip...   
12:58pm 15/07/2005

i need a job, hopefully someone will give me one soon.

i'm thinking way too much. after 18 months of oing out with someone, it doesn't just float away, which is a real shame. because there's a lot of things i'd like to forget. i know i need to be friends with her (or more precisely, she needs me to be friends with her), but i'm still a little bitter. it's only after a month of being single that i realise just what a disgusting, worthless person she was. my consolation in this whole thing is that i've changed her. but can you really do that? i went down to see her a couple of weekends ago. she's in the process of getting together with one of her friends there, which incidentally, is a blatant rebound and won't last for a more than few weeks. we had a conversation, the point of which was to tell her that i would not fuck her if she was either already dating, or going to lie about it to the other guy. so the first night we were there, we got drunk and fucked. with a mutual friend sleeping on the floor (i think!) 3 feet away from us. the next day, the other guy texted her: "hope you were good last night", and of course, she lied about it.
damn, does she even realise how nasty she is sometimes? a quick summary of how she treated me in the first 8 months of our relationship: she fucked someone else on the night we "went public", fucked another guy a week or two later when we had a row, continued to string along another guy (who was a total wanker himself, i'd love to cut his dick off), fucked him again a few months later; and when we actually moved in together, within a week, she sent me home from a night out with her ex-fuck-buddy (though i don't think anything happened), i caught her texting the guy from before about sexual positions, and a week later i found out that she had put his number on her phone under her female friend's name so she could carry on that shit without me knowing. then when i found out for sure that she had cheated on me, she continued to deny it until i dumped her, then she admitted it. everything was fine then, because i gave her an ultimatum to cut these men out of her life, or become single. so all was good until we broke up. to be fair, i didn't behave myself impeccably before or after that, but it was nowhere near at that level, and to a certain extent i think i can justify it.
i'm still really bitter though. i think at the time i didn't click, because i just couldn't believe that someone would act like that. oh yeah, and i still don't believe that kid was mine.
ugh, ok, rant over. i just really hope that she isn't going to turn back into that nasty, worthless bitch she was before. and even if she does, i'll probably still care about her. fucking women :)

so yeah. i need to develop a crush on someone. i'm fine single, but i haven't had a good crush for ages!

thinking of getting a tattoo or a piercing or something. but maybe that's because i'm bored. maybe a little cornish flag on my arm or something.
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11:55am 17/06/2005
  I got my degree. It's 2:2 with honours...i was so shocked when i opened the envelope. I was expecting a 3 or a pass, so i'm happy. MAybe i should have worked harder, but at least now i know that all this time didn't go to waste.

Are you going to the parliament buildings?

BULLSHIT TO YOU! I'm not going there!
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01:06pm 08/06/2005
  List 6 six of your current favorite songs (no order), and then tag 6 of your LiveJournal friends to do the same.

1. Green Carnation - Pile of Doubt
2. Thyrfing - Angestens Hogborg (sp? can't remember! Need to get around to buying the album!)
3. Tori Amos - Precious Things
4. Nine Inch Nails - We're In This Together (an absolute classic, lots of memories attached to this one)
5. Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams
6. Katatonia - Relention

Haha, no-one is going to do this!

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12:28am 08/06/2005
  yep, so it's all over now.

university. i've learned a lot, not achieved very much, and the whole thing was well worth doing.

and liz. she decided to go back to her home town on saturday, and apart from being in a complete state sunday morning, i've just adjusted to it. i've learned a lot from that too. number one, it's hardened me a little. i'm not going to let any woman walk all over me - as far as my experience (and my friends' experience) shows me, if you don't put your foot down to some degree, they will treat you like a doormat. like shit. every fucking time. and the longer you leave it, the more the sparks fly when you do. number two, seemingly impossible situations work themselves out if you let them. number three, people can change for the better. i won't go into my reasoning, because i don't feel like dwelling on it, really.
we've parted friends, and i have a kind of respect for her that i never had when we were together. that's enough to say. i won't want another girlfriend for the forseeable future, it just won't be the same.

so now, the evenings are boring. i need to throw myself into something else. computer games don't work like when i was a kid. tv is mostly trash (though the new big brother is funny trash). ah, i don't know, i'll find something.

i have £500 left in my bank account. with that money, i've got to visit liz, visit my parents, and sort out a new house, then the remainder will tide me over until i get me a job.

that's my life right now.
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post-teen angst   
09:24am 02/06/2005
  i broke up with liz last night, which was hard. i knew i had to do it, but that doesn't really make it easier.

she told me she saw it coming, and she still wants to be friends, but i don't know if it's sunk in yet.

we're still sharing a bed for now, cos the lease hasn't run out. maybe i should have delayed it, but i guess i just couldn't lie anymore. damn, that was an emotional night, and i think there will be more to come.

anyway, gotta concentrate on studying for my exam. one left, on saturday.
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11:06am 27/05/2005
  In middle of exam period, have one on tuesday, and then the final one on saturday.

It's draining the fuck out of me, really. I'll be glad when it's all over.

Then I can do all the things I've planned to do, without the "I should be working instead" guilt trip.

Roll on the future, baby.
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01:53pm 13/05/2005

"I never knew about that!"

"Well, I was already knee deep in shit at the time, so I wasn't going to shout it from the rooftops, was I?


"Trouble, but a good kind of trouble..."



Jamie swung the phone down from his ear to find that the call had been disconnected. Instinctively he shielded his smile from view, even though he was alone in his room.
12:12am 11/05/2005
  Dear Microsoft Word,

Yes, I really do want to write "dimer". So stop changing it to "dimmer", you irritating little piece of crap.
11:42pm 01/05/2005
  Dear Microsoft Word,

Go fuck yourself.

Love, Tommy.
12:40am 25/04/2005
  I met Charles Kennedy and shook his hand!

And you didn't...ner ner.

Vote Lib Dem!
you know what?   
06:44pm 17/04/2005
  i really REALLY fucking hate michael howard.

i feel properly angry every time i hear that goddamn voice on the news.

11:37am 15/04/2005
  hey drew...remember that time you wrote "mrs neale is a moo" on your desk?

or that time mrs king made me do my impression of dr. gainey cos she couldn't be bothered to give us a lesson?

haha, those things still make me smile.
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my chess reflects my mood...   
02:07pm 14/04/2005
  if i'm worried then it's sloppy. if i'm happy then it's sharp.

at the moment i'm a bit scared. it's getting to that time of year where exams are all that matter, and after that things will be new, and i don't know what i'll do.

i could stay in cardiff (meh)
i could go home to cornwall (no jobs)
i could go to finland (don't speak very much finnish)
or i could go somewhere else, which looks the best option. but where? it's scary.
10:58am 04/04/2005
  Hey. I have proper internet access again. And I have quite a bit so say, but little time to say it, so I'll leave it for another time.

I love Takeshi's Castle.

And chess.
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